“A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.”Victor Hugo

“Do not offer a compliment and ask a favor at the same time. A compliment that is charged for is not valuable.”
Mark Twain

Compliments.

Some are sincere. Some are quite the opposite.

Some like to get them. Some feel a little uneasy and self-conscious about them.

And from time to time I think to myself that there is too few of them. They are underused and underrated and are often forgotten amongst gossip, negative self-talk and complaints about the boss, the job, the weather and milk prices.

Negative observations about reality are plentiful. Positive observations are much fewer.

So, here are 5 compelling reasons why it’s a good choice to use more genuine compliments in your day to day life. And a bit further down, three tips on how to give them.

1. You can make someone’s day. That’s a nice thing to do.

2. Increased positivity. Keeping your focus on the positive parts in people expands your own positivity. You’ll notice more positive things about yourself, your own life and other things in your surroundings. What you focus on in your everyday life you’ll see everywhere, not just in other people.

3. You get what you give. Don’t keep this in the forefront of your mind while giving a compliment. It may make the compliment seem insincere and like you are just out to get something from the other person. But still, people often have a strong feeling of wanting to give what they got. Perhaps not right away, but over time reciprocity and a positive relationship can build. And in general, what you give you tend to get back from the world around you.

4. Attractiveness. Positivity, appreciation and being able to genuinely express yourself are three attractive traits both in personal and professional relationships. People tend to want to hang around and work with people that have such traits.

5. It’s fun. :) When you give a genuine compliment you ignite a spark of happy feelings inside of yourself.

Now, here are three tips for sharpening your compliment giving skills.

The compliment has to be genuine.

Otherwise you are just trying to take something from the one you are complimenting. And that will not work so well. Your insincerity will often shine through.

A compliment delivered with positive words but with a body language and voice tonality – the two most important parts of interpersonal communication – that aren’t saying the same thing may often not go over so well. And the rule that you get what you give still applies.

What you feel when you deliver the compliment will come through. So make sure that there is a genuine feeling behind the words.

Cultivate a habit of appreciation.

This will let you discover all the genuinely nice things about people. With this filter closed it will be harder to see the positive things in people and to give compliments that are actually totally genuine. Try to appreciate the things around you - your home, friends, family, co-workers, computer, weather, food etc. - a few minutes a day to build this habit.

Compliment on something the other person feels is important to him/her.

It may be - at least in some cases - a good practise to not compliment on something that the other person doesn’t have much control over. Or something that he or she has been complimented on a thousand times before. Looks and other more superficial stuff are examples of such things.

A compliment that is kinda expected will not be that powerful. And even though your compliment is genuine it may just be lumped together with all those other similar and not so genuine compliments the person has recieved.

Instead, observe what makes this person tick. What are his/her passions, qualities, interests and proudest achievements? What can you genuinely appreciate about those things?

And finally, remember, pretty much no matter what the response is you can still feel good about giving a compliment. As Seneca says in tip # 5: how the other person responds - what s/he says or feels - isn’t your responsibility.

對他人的表揚(yáng)就好像隔著面紗給他人一個(gè)令人溫柔舒心的吻—維克多·雨果

在對他人贊美的同時(shí)，不要向他人要求施予恩惠。真正的贊美是不需要支付對價(jià)的—馬克·吐溫

有一些贊美和恭維是真心誠意的，而有一些卻恰恰相反。

有一些人很樂于接受他人的稱贊，而一些人卻會感覺到不自在和難為情。

我時(shí)常暗自思忖，生活中的贊美與恭維話實(shí)在是太少了。它們的價(jià)值被低估，未被人們充分利用，而且常常湮沒在人們的閑談之中—像對老板，對工作的抱怨，對天氣，牛奶價(jià)格行情的討論。

生活中充斥著往往是大量的消極的言論，一些積極的，正面性的言論卻太少。

因此，下面就列出了五個(gè)讓你由衷的感覺到在日常生活中多說一些真心的贊美話語是一個(gè)不錯(cuò)的選擇的理由，而且接下來還會有三個(gè)關(guān)于如何對他人予以真心稱贊的建議。

讓他人心情愉悅。何樂而不為呢。

對自身的肯定。對他人的肯定其實(shí)也會增強(qiáng)對自身的肯定。你會更多的發(fā)現(xiàn)存在于自己本身，自己的生活，還有自己周圍的一些事物的美好的一面。你在自己的生活中關(guān)注的東西，在任何其他地方都會給予同樣的關(guān)注，不僅僅是在其他人身上。

有給予，才能有收獲。在給予他人稱贊的時(shí)候，腦海中不要閃過這種念頭，這會讓你的稱贊顯得不那么真誠，仿佛你要從別人那里索取什么一樣。但人們常常會有這樣一種傾向，即希望把他們獲得的東西同樣施予他人。這是事實(shí)，盡管這種想法不會立即就付諸實(shí)踐，但假以時(shí)日，一種“友好互惠”的關(guān)系就在你和他人之間建立起來了。通常情況下，你給予他人的，也往往可以從你的周邊的人那里得到。

增加個(gè)人魅力。自信，懂得欣賞他人，真誠的表達(dá)自我是在生活和工作當(dāng)中非常引人注目的三個(gè)優(yōu)點(diǎn)。人們往往喜歡跟具有這些性格特性的人在一起工作。

增添生活樂趣。當(dāng)你真誠的給予他人贊美話語的時(shí)候，你也會在自己的內(nèi)心激發(fā)一陣愉快的情緒。

現(xiàn)在就來給你三點(diǎn)關(guān)于如何正確恰當(dāng)?shù)亟o予他人稱贊的建議。

贊美之辭必須要出于真心。

不然的話你只是出于對他人有所求才給予他人贊美之辭。那樣的話你的稱贊就達(dá)不到你所想要的效果。因?yàn)槿思液苋菀拙透杏X到你言語中毫無誠意。

在講一些稱贊的話語的時(shí)候，總會是一些正面的措辭，同時(shí)還會伴有肢體語言和聲音語調(diào)。但是如果你的肢體語言和語調(diào)并不顯得那么協(xié)調(diào)的話，那么即使說的是同樣的贊美之辭，但卻會產(chǎn)生不一樣的效果。還是那句話，你給予他人的，他人也會同樣給予報(bào)答。

當(dāng)你對人家予以稱贊的時(shí)候，你的內(nèi)心感受也會表現(xiàn)在語言之中。所以，要用自己的真心感受去表達(dá)對人家的稱贊。

培養(yǎng)一種正確欣賞他人的態(tài)度。

這會讓你發(fā)現(xiàn)他人身上所有美好的，值得稱道的優(yōu)點(diǎn)。如果你還不具備這種態(tài)度的話，你就會很難看到他人身上正面的東西，也就不能完全真誠地稱贊他人。試著去學(xué)會欣賞你身旁的一切—你的家，朋友，家人，同事，電腦，天氣，食物等等—每天花幾分鐘來培養(yǎng)這種習(xí)慣。

對他人非常看重的東西給予贊美。

也許，至少在一些情況下，最好不要對他人并沒有多大支配權(quán)的東西，或者已經(jīng)被其他人稱贊過許多次的東西再表示你對它的贊美與欣賞態(tài)度。比如說外表或者其他一些比較膚淺的表面化的東西。

在他人預(yù)料之中所作出的贊美評價(jià)通常不會那么有效果。即使你是發(fā)自內(nèi)心的給予稱贊，也會被人家跟另外一些相似的，不那么真心的贊美之辭歸于一類。

因此，你要善于觀察分析哪些東西是這個(gè)人重視或者給予很多關(guān)注的。包括他的酷愛，他的出眾之處，他的興趣愛好，或是他引以為豪的成就。你要在哪些方面對他看重的這些東西給予稱贊與評價(jià)。

最后，你要記住的是，無論你在稱贊對方之后得到什么樣的回應(yīng)，你自己的內(nèi)心都會得到一種滿足。就像Seneca在第五條建議中所講的那樣，對方的反應(yīng)—他或她說什么或者有什么樣的感覺—這都不是你所能控制的。